Peace in Madness
by angel0wonder
Summary: "It sucks to be alone." The words are whispered directly into my ear and flow into my heart. "It's okay. I'll be beside you… Sayaka."


A/N- Written after episode nine aired, so spoilers! Any inconsistency for future readers is my fault, since the remaining episodes have not aired at this time.

disclaimer- Madoka Magica belongs to SHAFT, and I wouldn't want it any other way.

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"_I really am a fool." Kyoko's horrified face the last thing I see with my human eyes._

With that realization a torrent of negative emotions engulfed my mind like an explosion that had been ticking down to that moment. It was unimaginably painful, like my soul being torn apart by angry claws. I can only describe the feeling as being swept into a typhoon that's sole purpose is to drown you in grief, despair, and hopelessness. I screamed and screamed but the evil just poured into my mouth and nose and eyes and ears.

And the whole world was made up of just those black emotions. It blinded the person I was and completely snuffed out the person I wanted to become. The so-called hero of justice who wanted to save people. The one who refused to be saved as she plunged headlong into darkness.

I hurt and I want everyone else to hurt too. This disgusting world I tried to help and the selfish people in it. I really was a fool. And now I will pay for it, but they will all pay for it too.

I hear Kyosuke's violin playing around me and the noise drives me absolutely mad with malice. Madder still, in this symphony of wicked chaos.

I'm so far gone I can't even see or feel anything anymore except the pain. The spitting and foaming, blood and tears as I tear at my own flesh inside my cocoon of anguish built around what little of me there's left.

And somewhere there's this voice. I barely notice it at first. But the more it cries out the more emotion comes with it. Guilt stabs at me like the sword I used to wield, another mental wound on top of everything else and I want it to shut up shut the hell up, why, who is that?

The voice is abruptly silenced but now all I see is the color red. The color evokes rage and grief and regret. The regret bubbles in my throat and I spill it everywhere, choking and gagging and dying.

The suffering is unbearable. What's left of me is quickly disappearing in a vortex of agony. I can barely reach out my hand.

It hurts terribly and I'm alone. I'm suffering by myself and that's the worst goddamned feeling in this goddamned world. I'm going to die in excruciating pain alone and it's all my fault. I pushed everyone in my life away and I brought this on myself.

Just me being crushed under the weight of my own grief.

Then there is an explosion of pure white light, fleetingly chasing away the darkness surrounding my mind. It's a beautiful and warm light that obliterates me completely.

And I know that I've just died. I'm dead and it's so relieving. Now I can't hurt anyone anymore.

It feels like I'm being cradled. In this state I somehow understand that it's another soul. Another soul comforting my own.

"It sucks to be alone." The words are whispered directly into my ear and flows into my heart. "It's okay. I'll be beside you… Sayaka."

"Kyoko!" I gasp, disbelief coloring my voice. But, why was she here? I vaguely remember her being the last person I confided in before my Soul Gem turned into a Grief Seed. The realization strikes me that we probably died together and I start to weep. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Kyoko." I sob into her embrace, clutching at her like a small child.

"Yeah, I know." Kyoko says, letting me know that she knew I was sorry about everything that had transpired between us. For being stubborn and dying and pulling her along with me even when she didn't deserve this fate.

"You didn't deserve this fate either." Kyoko whispers to me.

"Yes I did!" I wail desperately into the skin of her shoulder.

"You didn't." she corrects me tenderly, surprising me. I didn't know her capable of such a tone. Strangely, it made me calm down slightly and the tears lessened.

It saddened me to know I hadn't taken the time to get to know this girl when we were still alive. It made me feel all the worst.

"Hey, don't go angsting on me again thinking that what happened to me is your fault." Kyoko sighed in frustration, pulling me away from her slightly. I finally got to properly lay my eyes on her form, all fangs and attitude like I remember, but a big heart beating under it all.

"I," Kyoko's smile faltered, her expression serious. "I chose to protect who you were, and who I used to be." A hand cups my cheek. "I know we weren't exactly close or anything." A huge understatement that almost makes me snort in amusement. Her lips are brushing my forehead now and I'm serious once more. "But I choose to spend eternity with you, Sayaka. If you'll have me?" she whispers the words hesitantly, as if afraid I'll reject her a second time.

A smile that didn't bear the weight of the world soars across my face. A smile I haven't worn for a very long time now. Happiness and hope swell within my being and I pull this girl to me. I wrap my arms around her tightly, trying to express the gratefulness pouring from my spirit.

"Thank you." I speak softly into her hair. "Thank you."

"No big deal." she sniffs, still cocky even as she wraps her own arms around me but I can feel the relief in her embrace. It feels really nice.

"You know, you're the last person I would've expected doing this for me." I can't help but laugh honestly.

"Hey," she playfully growls, nipping at me. "It's only natural that those of us who wished for the happiness of others to end up together."

I nod, a knot in my throat knowing her words to be true. "Yeah. Now maybe we can find that happiness in each other."

"Heh, funny." Kyoko breathes as we pull away from each other. "Never thought I'd find happiness in anyone but myself." She looks into the beyond where the energy of the universe was gathered. We would soon be joining that energy together. "Thanks. For reminding me that before we blew up and all."

"We blew up?" I laugh. It's funny in some inexplicably giddy way.

She suddenly grins as she reaches into the pocket of the old ragged hoodie she always wore. I myself was dressed in my school uniform. "Want one?" In her offering hand is a bright red apple.

How could I refuse this time? I gingerly take the offering and toss it in the air before I chomp into it, my eyes never leaving hers. "Best freaking thing I've ever tasted." I say with a grin, making hers widen.

"Wanna see if what my father was preaching about had any truth to it?" the redhead asks, looking away.

"Might as well." I say reluctantly. These last few moments with her made me feel more human than I ever had. I take her hand without thinking, startling us both. Doesn't matter, I realize, because I have no intention of letting go. I feel her surprised eyes on me but I just give her hand a squeeze and after a moment she squeezes back twice as hard.

And our souls step into eternity, together.


End file.
